grace of the dark little secrets

a moment of grace, serenity has arrived.

Remembrance of beloved ones,
through messages across the ethernal network,
they arrive,
on my screen, and the door step to the world,
unknown, blessed these souls.

First of the second, the journey seems to be in focus again.
What i'm doing will always be fun, when there is focus on what is needed to be done, internally, externally. The flame of despair and frustration resides, for it need to take rest from the learning it has giving me for a while. It feels those under ground currents, patterns, and cycles get shaken up and brought to the surface. Now is not the time to analyse though, there will be time in the future. Now is the time to experience it all, the confusion, the laughter, the grit.

16% of battery left!

Two beautiful angels and guardian dogs,
sister gemini, brother twin,
and the eternal lovers.

Words can't describe the energy that exist,
between the pulse of our heart...

I actually find it hard to write about good things, the words keep on falling off my typing fingers, yet there is so much more to say. Maybe because i'm tired now, my jaw hurts, i am smiling.

Look beyond that grey horizon,
and beyond what is behind,
there exist the current moment,
of what we create with our stand,
stand towards the falling dark,
every second is a jackpot,
where does the world end, when all you need to think about is the simple smile a nephew showed,
where does the joy stops, when all the misery and anger is a teacher at hand.
where does the lost souls go, when it is a place to find the path.

everywhere there is a place, for your feet to land, and your mind to mingle with, your heart to bleed for, your spirit is here now.

back to the depths now, gotta figure out those dark little secrets.

within lies the expression

my neck hurts, i have been thinking of getting a massage for a long time now, but it hasn't happened yet. My back is so solidified, it doesn't hurt anymore.

An interesting concept I have been thinking about, the idea of waiting for the right things to happen at the right time. Sometimes I know what I need to do to solve something, or of one way to fix it, but I only do it when the non-thought moment drive takes me there. It seems when it does, it arrives effortlessly and on the right time.

Non-thought moment drive, a term I made up, for the instances when you do something without really thinking about, when you do, it comes in naturally with a smooth execution. When the only thing ever happening to you at that moment is pure focus and perfect balance. Such moments come with out our control, yet we call for them, and they come in the right time.

Sometimes I do contemplate is it our thoughts that hinderance us, or is it the type of thoughts and our concentration on them. I feel that curious thoughts that come in are like breezes of wind in summer, that swoop my head towards a direction, then leaves me with a cool freshened feeling.

curious ways and ideas
passing
they come in playfully,
are taken seriously,
held in the palm of the hand,
for the wind of sub-consciousness to sweep them away, again

what is the right time? is it the correct? or is it the time where things align, and the movement between the door and the other seems to have spent no energy, gained none, but has kept it's balance, between falling and staying still, kept the flow unshaken, revolving towards momentous moments of eternal joy.

i am really feeling like a cog, in the machine we have all been playing with, part of. There is no easy escape from it, so better play around with it, use it to learn, to then be super conscious and have super powers! Because then I can split into two and be in different places, still have one soul, but two bodies, one is be part of the machine, and the other in the mountains. Where I can be part of the machine game, yet go back to the mountains when I want to scream and chant at the same time, and dance in the name of lost souls and merry spirits.

I am waiting for the right moment, yet the waiter doesn't sit and wait, it is sending a message out, doing your thing, and recognizing when the message has been accepted or not.

It is not about gaining as much as you want, as fast as you want. It is the focused and balanced movement, wether it's slow or in an instant, towards aligning the body, mind, emotions, soul and spirit into understanding of each other, and working together.

The war within the self, has become a discussing within to resolve differences, and understand the different parts of the self.

This is why I didn't get a massage yet.

the owl and the frozen demons

it's quite interesting the shifts of thought and action we go through, on a moment by moment bases, where our heart can be in the lead, but suddenly the mind jumps in and take over.

Last night I had a dream about ghostly zombies, all around, breaking out of walls or walking through walls, coming towards us to suck away the life force we contain, targeting little weaknesses and big weaknesses, for this is how they survive.

The demons lurk around, waiting for the right moment, like when someone injures your pride, they quickly step in and make Something out of Nothing.

Yet I know such demons are only existent in my imagination, and are a mirror to the little stale spots in my body. As I grew up from a child to a bigger-sized child of the universe, certain and/or a collective of events have been the reason for parts of us to freeze, making it a cycle that we have to go through in life until we un-freeze it. Demons love the cold.

The realm of imagination is a different world. The world of imagination is the underworld. A world of vagueness and mystery. To describe an element in it, one must reach for many of words or many of movements, to convey the message.

Well, this is what's been happening back home.

I have realised, or better put, remembered, that I work within two forms of being (how convenient).

The soul, form one, is what understands the path and the seemingly unrelated events. The soul is the centre of joy and love, where I go back every time and then to regenerate.
Then the mind, material self, that contains the pain and desires, jumping from one to another, getting tired and drained, happy and excited, resistent sometimes, yet it is the one that knows what to do in life in order to communicate with others.

I change through these two. sometimes it is confusing for others, they think I contradict, yet it is a process of balancing and purifying that makes sense to me. It is the union of the opposites. To reach the oneness, one must understand the duality and both sides' importance of existence.

I know what I need to do, or a vague idea of it, which is good enough for me. Connecting back with family, giving effort in considering this way of living, and mostly importantly i would say re-surfacing forgotten patterns. It seems I got many cycles to work through. Man... I really thought I didn't have much to work on, and I am so wrong. It makes me think of my children for some reason.

Children must be so sensitive to our shit, our cycles... Wait, is that what I am feeling now? Children absorb these frozen energies and keep, I don't think I am keeping them but I am definitely absorbing the things going on around me. Here is another thing I need to do, The Shield.

The Shield.
The diamond shield is a self experiment, an alchemical process that whether I like it or not, I got to do.
The imagery of this diamond shield came into being six months ago, and now it is time to manifest it into this reality. It's purpose is simple: to build a summoned sphere clear of others' interjection to be able to solidify my material self and to enable manifestation of my path.


The shape shifter inside needs to take rest
for he feels and forms into others' heart in chest
and such work is draining
never leaves space for internal gazing

into the true self
that drives us into being
in the body
in the mind
in the world
in the soul
in the Spirit
in it all

I have been working at an art gallery, Al Riwaq Art Space, cool little place, cool people. Sitting infront of the laptop a lot, that's why writings have been scarce. We will be getting ready for an exciting event soon, a month's celebration of street art and music! How perfect! The concept being Common Ground, where everyone differs, but we all have a place in our heart to meet.

Is it time to build the bridge?
or is the bridge already building?
sometimes I feel I really don't have to do much, I am not really the bridge builder, it is the angels and God that do the work, I am just the vehicle. I just have to deal with my shit, and things are happening.

Yet I need to come back to that dark place of sadness, hate and anger. Where my body starts shivering and my faces forms into horrific mirrors of pain and frustration. Is it the demons leaving? the cells unfrozen? one by one they leave, teaching me lessons of wisdom. Who said those demons are bad? they have probably been the best teachers.

God says in the Qur'an "We created of you many tribes and cultures for you to know each other"

here is a drawing I did yesterday